Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
