i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
