it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We had to coat check the pizza.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Shame - the story of my life.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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