I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
