Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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