What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Farmville is her only friend.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
