Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
