I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
