i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
