Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
