somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
