Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
That's when you crack a 10am beer
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
