remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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