Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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