he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
