It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
