the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
