No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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