I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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