So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I wish I only lived at night.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
