Buhtt sex?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
