my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
We need to rekindle our bromance
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
