I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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