You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
