What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
