I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
