i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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