Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
