Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
