Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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