her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
