Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize