Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
