look no pants
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
