You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
