We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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