that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
There r osticjed everywhere
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
