farters have to be the big spoon...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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