I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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