I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
