His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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