I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Randomize
