Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So vagazzling was a success
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
