i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
