How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
