you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My breasts were aching with rage.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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