if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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