Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
