we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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