Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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